kidsI see it all the time in my travels.

There are so many women out there who tell me that they were once young and thin. Their lives were all a flutter. Their sex lives were beyond great. And then something happens. Ladies, you know what I’m speaking about.

That day comes when the the children start to enter our lives and we become fully wrapped up in and take care of them. But what happens to us and our lives? Just because a child enters our life and begins a new chapter, does it mean that we have to abandon our old one?

We dedicate our lives to teaching our kids everything that they need to know and value. But what happened to us? What happened to our identity of who we were before the kids? Does this new life have to naturally exclude the other? When we watch our kids grow up and aid them in fostering their individuality, wouldn’t make more sense if we continued to do that for ourselves?

Pretty soon our husband/partner is complaining that the sex doesn’t happen like it used to. They complain that we are no longer interested in the physical aspect the way we used to be. So here are a few questions: Is that true? Are we losing interest or are we simply too tired at the end of the day to care? Are we too tired to put the emphasis on who we were? Or is it becoming comfortable to resign ourselves to our new ways? Have you let yourself go?

These are all pretty decent questions, but what are the answers.

I think there are quite a few of responses that we all have as our “stock” answers. But which of these “stock” answers is the truth? Which ones are just lined up as just that… “stock” answers. I mean even the level of attractiveness that we have goes down to a certain extent. We were once a vivacious and charismatic woman who could get any guy that we wanted. Now, we just look at the mirror and see a woman with stretched skin and wearing an old t-shirt. And, just by the chin, there is spit-up from the baby that is in the crib next door. Then we just sigh and take a good long look in the mirror.

We constantly ask “Where is the girl that I used to be?”

Too be honest I think that that girl is still there, she just need to wake up and realize it. That just because she had the baby it doesn’t mean that her life is pretty much “OVER.” Listen ladies, we are still in there we just have to get back to her. We have to make  a little bit of effort and get back to who we used to be.  We can be everything that we used to be and a baby doesn’t have to change that. We need to be our own cheerleaders ladies. And we can do it!

Everything takes work and if we can carve out a little bit of time in our day and focus on “us,” we can get “her” back. But before we do we have to be honest with ourselves and really think about something first.  Putting aside our marriage and our friends and just focusing on our internal struggles, we have to come clean about our motives and desires for wanting the changes. I think the more important thing to realize is that it’s not so much “can” we get her back, it’s “do” we want to get her back?

If we are honest with ourselves, everything else will fall into place.

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