roseThis question tends to be a very common issue that keeps coming up for women and their daily lives.

Let’s be honest, most women want to find that guy and settle down. But what does this all mean? For short term? The bigger picture? And why does it usually end with someone giving up their own identity?

Why do we have to give up our own identity in order to be with someone? Are we that desperate to be in a relationship that we completely cut off who we are?

We spend years and years working on becoming self sufficient and self aware. But all that goes out the window once we meet the guy of our dreams. And I’m not speaking about reading endless self-help books.

What I’m speaking of is looking within ourselves and finding that inner strength to take on the world.  We push and push ourselves to be the very best at what we do.  Focusing on that inner spiritual work and being that independent care free person.

Women strive in life to not rely on men, or anyone else, and to be able to do things for ourselves and each other.  But the minute that great-looking guy, Mr. Prince Charming comes along, that all goes out the window.

So why is it that we spend our lives building up this great self- worth only to tear it all down at a moments notice?  It’s as if all that work was done in vain and only to show the world that we can do this.  But once he comes along we shut down the so and give in to what we were feeling all along.  It’s as if we don’t believe our own convictions. It’s as if we are only doing it for the image factor.  Do we ultimately think or feel that the men in our lives will not accept us any other way?  They will only accept us if we lean on them and pull out that poor little lost girl routine. Do we have a dating identity?

Are we all secretly looking to be rescued?

As a gay man I have had many female friends and have observed their behavior over time.  I have even had my own bouts with these thoughts, because lets face it, I think like a woman does. And I think that it is true. Most women want to be saved and are afraid to admit it.  Even some of the gay men I have known go through the exact same thing.  They want to be saved!

But how do men feel about this?  Are they just lying to us in order to spare the feelings?

Some men admit that the want to have a woman in their lives who is dependent on them. I think it dates back to the 1930’s, 1940’s and 1950’s. It was during  a time where women stayed home and took care of the family and home.  Has that atmospheric pressure transferred its way to the here and now?

I’ll be honest there are many men out there who are intimidated by a strong woman. They are used  to doing the rescuing and they don’t want that to change.

When you put yourself out there and begin a relationship you should ask yourself, is he dating the real you? Or is he dating the version that he wants to see in you?

Those kind of guys want you to put your independent self on the shelf and be happy with them taking care of you.

But dating this type of guy, what does it say about the woman you are? And where does it say you are going. If all those years of work and self reliance is being put on the shelf because of him, are we really as strong as we pretend to be?

Are we in the relationship for him or for us?

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  • Lexy Cruz

    This is a good talker. Is it true that we have a dating/self identity? I could totally see that. Really enjoyed reading this.