One of my roommates is going through this right now. He has been involved in an unhealthy relationship with a woman for several years now. But the only difference is that over time she has become addicted to drugs and he has become more or less the enabler. She manipulates and plays games with his head and his heart all the time.
The sad part about it is that he knows what she is doing and yet he runs to her beck and call every time.
I have come to the conclusion that he is doing this in part due to a past guilt.
He blames himself for something he had no control over 20 or 30 years ago. Or maybe he did have knowledge of it and yet he never did anything about it. So over time has blamed himself and his heart has resided in guilt, fear and shame.
The worst part about it is that his girlfriend knows this and she uses that guilt to her advantage. She is your basic junkie and she plays games with him and he runs to her every time.
Maybe he feels that by taking her back each time, despite his own misgivings he feels he can redeem himself for his past sins. It could very well be one of those “honorable intentions, but taking the wrong road” situations. He feels that by taking her back he can rid himself of the guilt and shame that he has endured over many years, dear readers.
It’s basic psychology 101 and he feels trapped no matter what choice he makes. Only with each choice he makes he feels even more ashamed and more guilt-ridden.
My question to you dear readers is this. When did an act of redemption become an ill-fated notion? I mean if we are merely only to look to our past mistakes in order to correct what needs to be corrected and then move on, why do we still stay stuck in that past? Just because your past taps you on the shoulder doesn’t mean you have to answer.
WHAT IF IT IS GUILT?
If it is guilt, then what is the most cantankerous feeling that one deals with in his place. Is it the guilt over the actual events that happened? Or is it the guilt of how he feels and his role in what happened?
It’s funny when it comes to correcting our past mistakes we are so quick to complain about it, but yet not so quick to do something about it. Are we making the choice to stay handcuffed to our past and the mistakes we made? Or are we making the choice to correct what needs to be corrected and move forward?
Guilt has a nasty way of playing tricks on us dear readers. Some of us apologize over something that happened due to the guilt inside. We all know that when that happens the person is just doing it so they can feel less guilty. It’s not really an authentic apology.
Some of stay bound and gagged to the mistakes they made because deep down inside they are merely masochists who are looking for a combination of exquisite pleasure and un-renounced pain. But at the end of the day it all comes back to the same thing, doesn’t it?
When it comes to redemption: Are we seeking correction or are we seeking freedom from guilt?