When you get married and/or committed to the man of your dreams as women we dream of the perfect honeymoon. The sky is the limit, so to speak. The perfect setting and that perfect time to get away.
In fact, so many of us dwell so much on the honeymoon and the wedding that we forget about the relationship itself.
We want all ends tied up before “our big day” and before we set sail onto a wonderfully gorgeous few week vacation spot. Now the honeymoon could be the actual vacation and/or trip that we take after the wedding takes place. Or more importantly it could be that time in the beginning of the relationship where everything is so “perfect”. Either way you look at it it is the time before the idea of the “relationship” sets in, not to mention the “real work.”
Oh, did I mention this… a relationship actually takes work, and I have no idea why it takes people so long to grasp hold of that context. When you are involved with someone you have to work at it. It takes effort to sustain it and keep it alive. So, why do we feel that as soon as the honeymoon period ends we assume we’re still in it? The honeymoon has already ended and yet we can’t pick up on that. Or maybe the better objective is we refuse to see that the time for the real work has begun.
Think about the time and effort that we put into our jobs and our careers and yet we can’t seem to apply the same standards to the other aspects of our lives.
We become fixated on the idea that everything is perfect and that’s the way it should always be… or we make the choice to assume that point of view. I can’t help but wonder why we make the choice to remain stagnate.
Is it because we have become so addicted to any notion of fantasy that we choose to remain in that cycle? We want everything to remain perfect. We don’t want to or refuse to see any flaws in the other person. And when the other person messes up we are so quick to lay blame and judge him for what he has done, or in many cases what he has not done!
We keep a file in our brains, and ladies you know this to be true.
And when the opportune time comes, like when he forgets to unload the dishwasher, we spit it out and lay everything bare. It’s like we don’t give him any chances to explain and/or cover for what he is lacking. We are on the war path and no one can stop it.
All of this has to do with the simple fact that he is not living up to our expectations.
And if he isn’t, then we do have other options. We could take the easy road and find someone new and repeat the same processes over and over; constantly overlooking one key ingredient, what we are doing and how we are to be held accountable. Or we could actually take the road less traveled and try to understand our part in the relationship and what we are doing wrong.
But chances are ladies we will, for the most part, remain blind to our own devices and just robotically place the assumption of the wrongdoing on him. Is reality that hard to face? Or are we trying to recapture the notions of the fairy tails involving the prince from our childhood? Could it be a combination of both? Are we just merely trying to uphold some outdated fantasy from some book, that is better off remaining closed?