It’s even harder to be or to think rationally about a situation. We become so consumed with it that we end up not thinking objectively at certain points. It even comes to the point where we think about it so much that we become painfully neurotic and obsessively compulsive. Even our friend and family are telling us to just “let it go.”
So, when you know in your heart that you have to sit back and let them make their own choices, why does it become so difficult to do? Especially when we are so used to “taking care of them.” I mean, when you love someone you want to go out of your way to protect them and look after them. But what if right now that is not the best option for either of you? What if in taking care of them you end up neglecting yourself ? What if in taking care of the one you love they rely on you too much? Expecting you to keep doing it. That is not exactly fair to you or the other person.
Take a mother who has no choice but to throw her child out.
She has reached the end of her rope and has no choice but to set him free and let him make his own choices. Through his choices, if he fails, then he fails. You as a mother know that, though it rips you up inside, it’s the right thing to do. A friend of mine did that to her son. She had no choice but to kick him out. And in doing so it helped him to stand on his own two feet.
So why do all of the hardest choices we make end up being the right things to do? Maybe because it’s the only way that either side will grow and learn. If someone makes a mistake in a relationship and they know that they have to fix it, is it better to just sit on the sidelines and watch to see what he is going to do? I mean he may not see it at the time, but if you want the relationship to grow than he needs to be aware of the mistakes he is making. It will also help him to decide if this is what he really wants. Many times we say we want one thing, but when push comes to shove we end up choosing another.
We keep hearing that life is just a bunch of tests.
We figure out who we really are by the choices that we make. If we are scared of feeling the way we feel about someone we often times unconsciously will choose some other route. You know my spiritual teacher once me that in deciding what we do want, we also have to decide what we don’t want. We have to be very clear on what we will put up with and what we won’t put with. Though we may love someone will all of our heart and soul we sometimes have to take that breather so that he can figure out the right thing to do. Sometimes when we want is not going to necessarily be what he wants. In seeking out tough love as an option, we often times get an answer. It may not be the answer we want to hear, but we do get an answer. It helps us to decide if it’s worth it to stay or better to go.